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2015 NFL Week 14:

Warming Up for the Postseason

 Oh The Weather Outside Is Frightful

But The Fire Is So Delightful

Since We’ve No Place To Go

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow…

Climate change is fantastic. Sure, the polar icecaps are melting at an alarming rate and each year the planet becomes progressively hotter, but hey, it’ll be about 70 degrees in Cincinnati this Sunday at kickoff time!

Here in Los Angeles, as we anxiously await torrents of rain from El Niño, the only Mexican Doñald Trump can’t round up and send back, we’re enjoying all the delights of our historic drought: watching our lawns dry up more quickly than Betty White, luxuriating in our 2-minute showers, and washing our dishes with our tongues.

Pittsburgh has been unseasonably warm lately and the chances of a white Christmas this year are about as good as a Johnny Manziel starting for the Browns next year.

In fact, as we look way into the future, it’s almost a lock that by 2060 Pittsburgh will become a very popular destination for college kids over Spring Break. Cleveland and Buffalo as well. The old “Rust Belt’ will be transformed into the “Must Belt.” Throngs of thongs and bongs and drunken songs will become part of the landscape in Pittsburgh in late February and March, and will be woven into our cultural life.

But what about Fort Lauderdale or Cancun?” By 2060, the average temperatures there will be in the mid-120’s, much too hot for most forms of intelligent life or coeds.

Al Gore (and his running back son Frank Gore) and all those climate “scientists” with their fancy facts and figures can moan and groan about a future of depleted water resources, filthy air and the extinction of thousands of species, but hey, it’s gonna be 70 degrees in Cinci on Sunday!

And things are really heating up in week 14 as the Bengals try to move closer to a first-round bye in the playoffs and the Steelers try to distance themselves from the Chiefs and the Jets.

The stakes are high, the anticipation is high, and the low is forecasted to be a balmy 53 degrees. Play ball!

WHEN THE STEELERS HAVE THE BALL

Oh man, the Steelers offense is running on all cylinders now. It’s turbo-charged! DeAngelo “Marcia” Williams, he of the 4.9 YPC, is consistently carving up defenses and making us forget (for a while) Le’Veon Bell.

And how about that passing game? With Big Ben healthy now, we haven’t seen an air attack like since the days of “Shock and Awe.” Antonio Brown is 2nd in the league in receiving yardage and Martavis Bryant may be the NFL’s best deep threat.

Toss in a bruised but not beaten Heath Miller and his guaranteed 51 receiving yards and you are looking at a recipe for success.

True, Cincinnati is #1 in scoring defense, but they haven’t faced an offense as potent as the Steelers’ in a long time. Plus they likely will be without CB Adam Jones. Look for Roethlisberger to pick on his replacement all day. It may be Leon Hall who was torched last year by Bryant for a 94-yard reception. Oh happy day!

WHEN THE BENGALS HAVE THE BALL

Say what you will about Andy “Howdy Doody” Dalton, but the guy has had an All-Pro year. He’s #1 in passing rating and has only thrown six interceptions all season. He’s got a solid complement of weapons including A.J. Green who lit up the Steelers secondary in Week #8 with 11 receptions and a TD.

But wait, there’s more! Jeremy Hill and Giovani Bernard are an effective 1-2 punch in the backfield and Bernard is particularly dangerous in the short screen game.

Tyler Eifert Tower (bonjour!) has been having a case of the dropsies lately, but the guy is deadly in the Red Zone and leads the NFL with 12 TD receptions.

PERILOUS PREDICTION

Hold onto your Iron City and pierogis (that sounds painful!) because this week’s game should be a back and forth donnybrook. In fact, Donny Brook and the Melees with be playing their Irish fighting music during halftime.

THIS IS THE BIGGEST GAME OF THE YEAR and I see a high-scoring affair… in the air… and everywhere. And it will be 70 degrees outside!

Final Score: Steelers 31, Bengals 30.

Phil Lebovits, SCB Steeler Blogger, cleaning his plate with his tongue in a van.. under a bridge

 

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