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Steelers vs. Bengals

NFL Playoffs Week #1

“Now don’t be sad…

‘Cause two out of three ain’t bad”

Meatloaf, Poet Philosopher/Entrée

2016 is now upon us. In China, it’s the Year of the Monkey. In Afghanistan, it’s the Year of Living Dangerously 15 Years in a Row. And in my iTunes, it’s always the Year of the Cat.

Resolutions made, none broken yet. But give it a week and I’ll stop running on the treadmill. And start hanging out

I’ve vowed to get down to my original weight of 7 lbs.14 oz., but that seems a bit extreme. 162 would be great. I’m 28 lbs. away from my goal, but I figure if I lose 4 oz. every year, I’ll be my slim trim self again by the year 2128.

We all have this collective need to set goals we rarely reach. Gym memberships are usually way up in January as are the sale of Bowflexes, but by the time July rolls around, you’re at 24-Hour Fitness twenty-four minutes a week and your Bowflex is now a great way to hang up your sport coats.

It’s the American in each of us; our DNA is programmed to be positive. In France or Italy, they don’t need to make resolutions. They’ll keep eating their high-calorie foods and drinking their great wine and they’ll still be slender than you by the time New Year’s Eve rolls along. Maybe it’s because they walk a lot. Or maybe, since they could care less about their weight, they have less weight to care about.

No matter. I’ve lost 12 oz. so far and should be down to a svelte 189 by the weekend. Hope springs eternal. So does fondue.

2016 is also an election year and hope springs eternal for the three Democrats and forty-seven Republicans running for president. Again, the reality of losing is subverted by genuine optimism, even when you’re polling at two-percent Mr. Huckabee… which is only two-percent more than I’m polling and I haven’t even declared my candidacy yet.

But that’s how we roll in America.

There’s a very fine line between optimism and delusion. Ask any Cleveland Browns fan. The NFL season begins with 32 hopefuls and ends with 31 nopefuls. But luckily (yay Bills!) our plucky Steelers are still in the mix, and they’ll be mixing it up this Saturday in Cincinnati against the Bengals.

It’ll be the third meeting this season between these two teams and there are whispers that they’re in love. It’s a love that involves a lot of hitting and slapping and F-bombs, much like most WWE cage matches.

“Two out of three ain’t bad.” You’re right. Mr. Meatloaf. We can only hope it will be very very good for our men in black and gold.

Now normally, at this juncture, I would write my obligatory “When the Steelers or the Bengals Have the Ball” segments, but we already know pretty much what these teams will do against each other. And AJ McCarron isn’t much of a drop-off from Andy Dalton. So…

…let’s have a sing-a-long! Just follow the weirdly bouncing deflated football.

Roll out the barrel, we’ll have a barrel of fun

Roll out the barrel, we’ve got the blues on the run

Zing boom tararrel, ring out a song of good cheer

Now’s the time to roll the barrel, for the gang’s all here !        

PERILOUS PREDICTION

The Steelers train is gonna keep a-rollin’… like that barrel. All aboard! Big Ben and the other men will win again!

Final Score: Steelers 28, Bengals 24

Phil Lebovits, SCB Steeler Blogger, on a treadmill… for the next 8 minutes.

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