facebooktwittergoogle_plusreddittumblrmail

screen-shot-2016-10-21-at-12-31-19-pmCheatriots vs. Steelers

2016 NFL Week #7

The Brady Bunch is Coming to Town.

 Big Ben. When you go to London (even if the Union Jack-sonville Jaguars aren’t playing), there are certain touristy things you must see: The Changing of the Guard, the Changing of Princess Baby Charlotte, Buckingham Palace, and the Tate Gallery where you can admire the entire works of Larry Tate from “Bewitched.”

But Big Ben, the big clock at the north end of the Palace of Westminster, may be the most noticeable site of all. If you miss Big Ben, you’re missing the heart and soul of London.

Warning: amazing segue approaching!

 So it is with Ben Roethlisberger, the heart and soul of the Pittsburgh Steelers, he of the meniscus tear in his knee. Our Big Ben could miss up to six weeks of action and that could make things bloody awful. The timing certainly is.

The Steelers, still reeling from last week’s shellacking in Miami now have to face Tom Brady and the Cheatriots at Heinz Field. The challenge is daunting. It’s as if the entire NFL world is rigged in favor of the establishment; the media with its nonstop praise of New England, the predictions of so-called “experts,” the false assertion that it will be a fair game even before the votes… the score is counted! How can the Steelers possibly win if the Cheatriots continue cheating?

The only person standing in the way of certain defeat is Landry Jones. Landry Jones, the pride of Artesia, New Mexico, the Vice President of Steelersland, the man who made us forget Michael Vick, is ready to assume power. His steady hand and mighty arm and his quarterback rating of 46.5 are the only things that stand in the way of a Cheatriot’s victory.

Okay, time to panic.

However, there is no quit in the brave warriors of Pittsburgh and they still possess great weapons like Ryan Shazier, a linebacker who… oh, he may not play? Great weapons like Marcus Wheaton… oh, he may not play either? Great weapons like… LANDRY JONES!

If this game sounds like a landslide just waiting to happen, we will not flinch. We shall remain steadfast and never admit defeat. We will not concede. Unless we win.

WHEN THE STEELERS HAVE THE BALL

 Running seems like a good idea. Ball control is a must, but don’t expect the Steelers to just ground and pound. Antonio Brown will suit up as well as Sammie Coates. There will be plenty of passes because the Cheatriots’ pass defense gives up 255 yards per game. They can be exploited and who better than Big Ben Little Landry to lead the charge? Oh, I can name a few; unfortunately Drew Brees and Matt Ryan aren’t available.

The key here is the Steelers’ beleaguered offensive line. They need to man up, put the Miami game behind them and protect Landry Jones, the 39th most valuable player on the team. Give Landry some time in the pocket and just watch him do his thing… his mediocre thing.

Okay, time to panic.

WHEN THE PATRIOTS HAVE THE BALL

 Sing along….

 Here’s the story of a man named Brady

Who has Gronk and Edelman to catch the ball

Not to mention Martellus Bennett

Who’s as tall as Donald Trump’s suggested wall

 Now this Sunday, Brady meets our vaunted Steelers
And my Magic 8-Ball has a real good hunch

That these Cheatriots will be the winners

But at least they won’t be eating Big Ben’s lunch

 The Brady Bunch…

 PERILOUS PREDICTION

 Bloody hell!

Cheatriots 28, Steelers 19.

facebooktwittergoogle_plusreddittumblrmail