Perilous Game Prediction – Steelers vs. Browns, NFL Week 11
I don’t believe in curses– the Curse of the Bambino, the Curse of the Billy Goat, and the Curse of Every Adam Sandler Movie Since 2003. All nonsense… except for the Adam Sandler one.
There’s another curse I knew nothing about: The Curse of Pottsville, PA. According to legend and Wikipedia, the Chicago/St. Louis/Arizona Cardinals have failed to win an NFL championship since 1925 because, in that year, the Pottsville Maroons were stripped of their title (the reason is incomprehensible) and the title given to the Cardinals.
It’s also incomprehensible that Pottsville actually HAD a team. What, was Scranton unavailable?
It’s said the curse can only lifted when the championship is returned to Pottsville. And if you’ve ever been to Pottsville, you know very few things return there… like people.
Cleveland, the loss leader of leading losers, had been under a citywide championship curse since 1964 until Lebron James and his Cavaliers won last year’s NBA crown. But their football team has yet to realize the curse has ended, so they’ve decided to start the season 0-10. Some say it’s due to the new “Curse of the Manziel,” but that’s giving him and a slew of rehab clinics way too much credit.
If the Browns are indeed a cursed franchise, it’s their quarterbacks that’ve been getting the brunt of it. In fact, from 1999-2013, the Browns have started more quarterbacks (20) than any other NFL team. I kinda remember starting for them in 2000 against the Bengals, but my memory is hazy. Perhaps you too, dear reader, have been a Browns QB too!
And it’s only gotten worse. This year, the Browns have had three starters: Robert Griffin III, Josh McCown, and now Cody (“WTF Am I Doing Here?”) Kessler. It makes Browns’ fans a bit nostalgic for Tim Couch.
Ironically, should the Browns continue their season-long mastery of unbridled suckatude, they may have to use their #1 pick in the 2017 NFL Draft to draft a _______ (please, finish the irony).
But, quarterbacks aside, beside and hospital bedside, the Browns haven’t been totally horrendous. They’ve kept it close in a few games and lost to the Dolphins in overtime. They are due for a win.
Unluckily for them, the Steelers are coming to town. And the Steelers are really pissed off. REALLY pissed off after losing four straight; more pissed off than me and my Magic 8-Ball. More pissed off than 61,917,919 people (and counting) are with the Electoral College.
But I digress.
Will the Browns destiny with destruction continue? Will their rendezvous with wretchedness finally end? Will their hiatus from happiness mercifully conclude?
WHEN THE STEELERS HAVE THE BALL
Oh, the possibilities! The Browns currently boast the worst defense in the NFL, yielding an average of 17,324 yards per game. Okay, I exaggerate…. a little. But boy howdy, this should be a game that will get the Steelers back on Winning Way, a game they should be able to dominate.
The Cowboys game was like a kick in the ______ (enter body part here) and for a time it looked like Ben and company had put up just enough points to win. And then… it didn’t happen. I know that when you’re so close to the goal line, the gravity of the situation prevents you from even considering slowing the game down, maybe running one more time and not scoring right away. But 47 seconds with three timeouts is an eternity. And that’s what the Cowboys got. Curse them!
A brutal loss like that can demoralize most teams. But thank you god for the Browns! Hallelujah!
WHEN THE BROWNS HAVE THE BALL
Despite their abysmal record, the Brownies do have some weapons in their offensive arsenal.
RB Isaiah Crowell is having a good year and the Steelers defense has been blech against the run lately. Double blech.
Cody Kessler has a great target in Terrelle Pryor Sr. and… umm… some other guys to throw to.
Magic 8-Ball has snapped out of his rounded plastic funk and will once again predict this Sunday’s score. Big deal. It’s the easiest pick of the season.
Shaking Magic 8-ball with the fury of a man who was within 47 seconds of NAILING last week’s score!
“So Magic 8-Ball, will the Steelers end their cursed 4-game losing streak?”
Magic 8-ball says: “All signs point to ‘yes.’ Except the sign to Pottsville.”
FINAL SCORE: STEELERS 31, BROWNS 16.
Phil Lebovits, SCB Steeler Blogger,