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“It’s a Twister!”

Is it just me? I never have understood why we need two Kansas Citys and I’m never quite sure which one is which. And why does Missouri even have one? Could Kansas sue for plagiarism?

That part of the country, with its fields of wheat and flat lands, holds no interest for me and should be ignored. Yes, they’re rumored to have great barbeque, but you can find better in most parts of the South. And when I hear the prosaic and overused phrase, “You’re not in Kansas anymore!” I take it as a blessing. Thank god!

And the weather! Hot and humid in the summer and freezing in the winter. Dorothy Gale, she of “Oz” fame famously said, “There’s no place like home.” She’s wrong. Purgatory stacks up pretty well. Dorothy never should’ve left Oz. At least there, you could get a college degree just for being clumsy and stuffed with straw. And their post-graduate programs were open to anyone, even Munchkins.

So our Steelers are there now, probably bored out of their minds awaiting Sunday NIGHT’S game against the Kansas City Chiefs. It was supposed to be a day game, but Mother Nature isn’t cooperating. It’s a twister! It’s a twister!

Okay, it’s an ice storm. I just checked the weather there (Kansas or Missouri?) and it may be cold and rainy at game time. Lovely. Although I care not a whit for Chief’s fans, I pity the poor fools for having to endure this, to sit for four hours in Arrowhead Stadium trying to root for their team while simultaneously attempting to avoid pneumonia. The Steelers might want to take pity on them as well and build a 31-7 lead in the third quarter so their soggy chilled fans can leave early and drive back to their warm homes in Kansas. Missouri. Wherever.

Beyond the playoff significance of this game, there is an historical underpinning as well. This game will be the last one played while Barack Obama is president. By next Sunday, some other guy will be president. We all know about Obama’s favorite teams: the White Sox, the Bulls, da Bears, the national security team.

But what about this Trump guy? Does he even care about football? Yes, he once owned a team in the USFL and he tried to buy the Buffalo Bills two years ago, but those were business decisions. Do you think he and Melania sit around Trump Tower drinking beer and eating nachos while rooting for the Giants? I doubt it. Football and gold-laden French Provincial furniture are incompatible.

But if they did, it might sound like this:

Melania: Mr. Trump, do you think the Eli Manning is able for to make with the TD pass on Odell?

 Trump: Shhhh… I’m on the phone with Putin! Go ask Ivanka.

But I digress…

WHEN THE STEELERS HAVE THE BALL

 If the weather is going to be as bad as I think it will be, then the running game will be dominant. This is a game where Le’Veon Bell should shine. The Chiefs are ranked 26th against the run, and a slippery field will favor the offense.

Big Ben, he of the ouchie footsie, is good to go.  He doesn’t need to throw for 300 yards; just has to be careful with the ball.

WHEN THE CHIEFS HAVE THE BALL

 Alex Smith. Travis Kelce. And the rest. The Missouri Chiefs might have a running game, but I’m not sure. If you see them running the ball, please email me.

PERILOUS PREDICTION

 Magic 8-Ball, once again, is not available. He’s in Washington, D.C. waiting for his confirmation hearing to be the head of Trump’s new Cabinet post “Secretary of Guessing Stuff.” I guess he’ll be back next week.

So, it’s up to me again.

I don’t think this will be a Steelers blowout like Week #4 against the Chiefs. But the Steelers have more “Mo” than the Three Stooges and are riding an 8-game winning streak.

The smart money says the Chiefs could pull this one out. But I’m going with the stupid money because… I’m stupid. If I only had a brain!

FINAL SCORE: STEELERS 20, KANSAS/MISSOURI CHIEFS 14.

Phil Lebovits, SCB Steeler Blogger, In a truck spreading salt outside Arrowhead Stadium

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